stop growing up

the enduring influence of words

When I turned 16, I heard the words 'stop growing up' for the first time. Growing up in a tumultuous environment, I had a knack for convincing myself that words often meant something different from what they sounded like. I'd often think, 'Surely, they don't mean that.' The next morning, I'd wake up and mentally spin the wheel, wondering if I'd managed to avoid a second round of those hurtful words or if I needed to brace myself for more. I had daily inner debates about what I could have done to dodge them altogether. What if I was quieter? What if I hide my emotions? What if? What if?